If they don’t plan on changing, they shouldn't apologize.

If someone is truly sorry for their behaviors, they make efforts to change their behaviors. If they just keep doing the same things over and over that hurt you, then they aren’t really sorry. They are merely manipulating you.

This happens a lot with people that have substance abuse issues, especially if they are in the habit of being emotionally and mentally abusive.

They will do something to justify the way they treat you, maybe they want to pick a fight so they can go out drinking, and then blame it on you. AND then come home drunk, abusive, and just overall belligerent only to wake up the next day and “apologize” for something they aren’t really sorry about.

Maybe you just bailed them out of jail for the THIRD freaking time, and they say they are going to do better, promise to pay you back, say that was the last time, apologize for days and mimic shame (I say mimic because they are faking shame to make you feel bad) but then nothing actually changes and there they go again, right back in jail, or doing shit that could lead them there.

Here’s the thing you should keep in your mind when it comes to apologies by someone who makes no effort to change, you are simply being manipulated. If they aren’t going to change, then you may have to be willing to change your own approach. So, whatever you keep doing that falls into the same pattern, change it. Don’t accept their manipulations anymore. Sometimes you may have to do things that make you uncomfortable, but remember this: You deserve better.

They may not give you better, but you can choose it for yourself, and show up for yourself differently. They won’t change as long as they are apologizing without doing anything different.


I post daily about things that will help you navigate this crazy world of substance abuse! If you want to be notified when I post, click here and Subscribe to my blog!

15 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All