Updated: Dec 3, 2019
This quote was actually born from an argument my mother and I were having. It happened a couple years ago, when I was coming out with new ideas for my company. I felt like she was constantly criticizing every new idea I had. This wasn't true, but it's what I was hearing when she would ask reasonable questions.
Now, as a mother, all she ever wants is for me to succeed. So when she sees me going down a road she knows is going to end in failure, it's hard for her to sit back and allow me to go down that road.
During one of our arguments, she said something to the extent of "Gosh dangit Jen, it's time for you to fly, I am letting you fly." Then, through some various cuss words of my own, I told her to "Let me f***ing fly then and quit holding my wings."
Failure is simply part of the learning process of life. Since I have really started "flying" and basically allowing myself the lessons that come with learning what works and what doesn't, the struggle has been painful, yet necessary. It's the struggle that my mom did not want to see me go through, because what mother wants her kid to have to struggle "if they don't have to."
I have been building a lot of internal muscles and learning a lot of incredibly valuable lessons that I have needed. It's the only way I am going to be able to truly succeed and find out for myself what works and what doesn't. And for her, I know she has been struggling watching it.
It was the same way when it came time for me to get myself out of my substance abuse. She had to let me go so I could learn how to succeed on my own. It was scary, it was painful for all of us, and yet, I built the internal muscles I NEEDED. There was no other way unfortunately.
I could have gone the other way, there was that chance that I chose a darker road. I had to make that choice, but I could have never made the choice as long as there were people not allowing me to fail. I know it's scary. It requires an immense amount of faith and strength to accept whatever the outcome is. Here's the secret, you don't get a say in the outcome no matter how hard you try. You can't save them no matter what you do.
If you don't feel like you are strong enough to deal with whatever the outcome is, it's time to start your own journey. Your journey is just as important if not more important than theirs. Yes they are the ones with the substance abuse, but they are not the only ones that need help. This is a family disease, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, but like it or not, you are tasked with having to deal with it. Accept and embrace that substance abuse is chaotic, illogical, and you have no clue how to help them because substance abuse doesn't operate under the "normal" rules of society.
I'm the kid you are trying to save. And I can help you.
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