This can sometimes be a hard pill to swallow especially if we are unhappy with something about our situation and feel like it is not our fault we are "in the mess that we are in."
And you may be right, it may not be your fault you are in the situation you are in, but if you don't do anything about changing it, you are choosing it.
Let's take an example of having a loved one with substance abuse. You do not have control over what they are doing. But if you hate the way they act around you, you have control over how much you are around them.
You can choose something different. If they are living with you but you hate them living with you because they are destroying your house, your peace of mind, etc...You have a choice.
You may not like the choices you have, but doing nothing means you are choosing your situation.
"I don't have a choice" is uttered among many, and yet completely inaccurate. You may feel like the choice you are making is the best of all the choices you have, so it's more like saying "This is the best choice I have for the moment."
If we think we don't have a choice, we will get stuck in choosing our situation because we will stop looking for alternative better choices. If we say to ourselves, "This is the best choice I have for the moment but I am looking for better solutions" we will often find a better solution and become willing to change the things we don't like.
In order to find better solutions to problems we have, if we knew the better solution, we would already be doing it. The only way to get unstuck in "I don't have a choice" is by getting help finding a better solution.
You may need to find someone that can give you a fresh perspective on a problem you are trying to solve and come up with new ideas you haven't thought of. But if you want to stay stuck in an unhappy situation, just remember, that's your choice.
Some of you may be upset right now with me being so direct. Did you just have that little ball of anger come right to the surface? Did you just say to yourself or yell at your screen "But I really don't have a choice?"
I've done the same thing with certain situations in my own life. I go kicking and screaming into change for the good or the bad. There are things in my life I need to change and I had to come to a hard realization that there are certain things I am not willing to change yet. And it's hard for me to admit I am choosing it.
It may be hard for you to admit to the choice you are making and I sympathize. If that ball of anger came to the surface for you, I want you to challenge you to dive into the anger and really think about things. Really think about what you are choosing because you may just have not given yourself a chance to really think about it.
Let me know what you come up with.
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