There are three ways someone gets clean/sober.
1. Inspired by the family
2. In spite of the family
3. They die
Those are the choices. The secret to being the inspiration is simple...not to be confused with easy. Treat them like adults, even if they aren't acting like it.
Here is a good exercise that will quickly change your situation.
Think back to all the arguments, all the conflicts, the crap that raises your blood pressure. How have they always behaved?
Did they run away?
Did they try to fight you?
Did they stare at you blankly as if they disappeared inwards?
Now, take a second and think how you have always behaved.
Are you a rager?
Did you go tough love on them where you get really tough on them?
Did you try to shame them into submission?
Do you cave and give into their demands?
Do you just do nothing at all?
However you have behaved, there's no right or wrong here. But there are patterns and what if I told you that if you interrupt the pattern, they will have to show up differently.
So if you have a tendency to rage out on them, try something different. If you use shame to try to control them, try replacing shame with inspiring messages of believing in them. If you usually cave into their demands, start standing firm, sure they will try to get angry with you but don't bend.
If you show up differently, they will show up differently, and sometimes when you break patterns, it's enough to make them take a step back and break them out of their drug trance.
No it doesn't happen overnight, you have to commit to changing that pattern indefinitely, but you will see a change. If you can commit to this for the next 3-6 months, I can promise you a significant difference in yourself and in them. Your situation will change. No, I can't promise they immediately start healing themselves and get off all the substances, but it is a good step in the right direction of inspiring them.
If you are struggling seeing the patterns to break because you are too close to them...welcome to the club. We do have a hard time seeing our own patterns. Many times, it requires someone else to help us. So, if you are struggling to see your patterns to break and when you fall back into the same pattern, as it is very easy to do, maybe it's time to reach out for help.
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