Updated: May 18, 2019
“Let It Go.” Seems like such a simple saying. Simple yes, easy….no. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection lately and what it is to really own who I am. One thing I am working on is the process of letting go of the judgements and criticisms my mind creates for me.
I was just experiencing this last night. Which is why I made “Let It Go” as my focus for today. Someone said something that just rubbed me the wrong way. I even called this person out on their judgements. But all evening, I was stuck with my own noise. I kept telling myself, “Let it go Jen. You know what they said isn’t true Jen.”
Yes, this person really did have their judgments.
But their judgments weren’t based on facts. Their judgments were based on a very limited view of the whole picture. Logically, I recognize that. And logically, I walked around the house all night having made up conversations to myself about all the things I wish I had said. Many of my sentences started with…”AND ANOTHER THING…”
What got to me wasn’t THEIR judgments. It was my own judgements on myself.
It was my own noise telling me “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not doing the right things,” “maybe their right,” etc…When I am being honest with myself, I can truly face myself and admit that a part of me believed this person. BUT, that’s my own limited view.
How I have learned to get myself out of these moments is by fully embracing and bearing witness to the noise that is in my head. Which requires me to go deep into my head. It’s a scary place to be and not something I suggest going in there by yourself. I do this so those quiet, subtle, barely noticeable background noise comes to the surface and I can face it, and truly get it out of my thinking. So when I am working on letting it go, I can truly LET IT GO.
Today, I am fully embracing who I am, and that comes with all of my noise.
For the family members who have loved ones struggling through addiction:
There is and will be a lot of noise in your head. You may be asking yourself,
“Did I do something to cause this?”
“Is this somehow all my fault?”
“I am the worst parent, grandparent, sibling, friend, etc.”
When we are being grounded and present and not coming from a fear based place, we know these things aren’t true. We can look at it from a distance and know it is the addicts responsibility to get their life together. But it only takes one small comment from someone else to burst our bubble and throw us into the sea of self doubt and insecurities about ourselves.
In those moments, it is so important to have people in our lives that can bring us back to center. It is important that we remain in a place of bearing witness to our noise so we can let it go. And even more important to have people pull us out of our own minds when we travel too far into that darkness.
Today, I am letting it go. Are you?
Jennifer Maneely has spent the last eight years investing in leadership programs, self-awareness, and relationship with families through communication. Drawing on her experience as a leadership consultant, she uses an executive coaching approach to working with parents. She has dedicated her life and her business to not only addicts in need but also understanding and supporting the needs of the family members. Being a recovering addict herself, she is trained in what it takes for an addict to get their life back and has spent years teaching family members how to respond to the addicts to prevent the families from unintentionally supporting the addict in their self-sabotage and destructive patterns of behaviors. Want to stop supporting your loved one in their addiction? Set up a free strategy call