Updated: May 18, 2019
“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” -George Addair
Not like you guys haven’t ever heard this before, right? But so often I forget. For me, fear really clouds reality. It makes me forget all that inner strength I work so hard on. It makes me forget to focus on the task at hand and come up with solutions. Fear keeps me in the problem.
We talk about survival mode in the fight, flight, or freeze. When I am in a lot of fear, my tendencies are to freeze first, flight second, and fight when all else fails. For other people, it may be a different combination. But when we feel fear, it’s one of these three options.
I’m that person that when I start calming down and getting out of that fear mindset, that’s when I think of all those great comebacks I SHOULD have said to the person that just pissed me off.
When someone says something that angers me, when I really look deep past the anger, the anger is really fear they might be right.
It hits an insecure button inside of me.
And it pisses me off that they are validating what I believe to be “true” about myself. When I confront the reality that I believe those things about myself, I actually get a chance to work them out. I get a chance to process those emotions and stop believing in them so the next time someone tries to hit that button, it’s no longer there for them to get a rise out of me. I get to RESPOND in a grounded and controlled way.
I often imagine what my life would be if I wasn’t so afraid of rejection.
I have a hard time with rejection. I take it so personally. I believe the person rejects all aspects of who I am. Rejection is my biggest fear of all.
One of my jobs long ago was an attempt to work at a little call center. Now, anyone that has ever received/made soliciting phone calls knows this is a world of rejection. I didn’t believe those people were rejecting what I was trying to sell them. I believed they were rejecting me and I simply couldn’t handle it and left crying after three days.
To this day, making cold calls of any kind send me into a state of traumatic anxiety. I have a hard time even ordering pizza. (Unless I am super hangry and don’t give a shit about anyone or anything except food.)
Through my journey, I am having to face a lot of these fears head on. I am having to really work on processing all the emotions that come with running a business. Running a business means I have to bring out the best of Jen. Which means I am also facing the worst parts of Jen on a regular basis. But here are a few results/insights I have gained in the last few months:
1. I believe enough in myself that I know I can handle whatever is coming my way
2. I trust myself and I trust my instincts.
3. I have helped a number of people achieve great things in their own lives and start learning to get past their own set of fears.
4. Bringing the best parts out of others and shining a light on their own inner strength and confidence is my magic.
5. I can’t do any of this alone
To the family members/friends that have loved ones going through addiction/sobriety issues, the best thing you can do for yourself is face your fears. Confront the things that you are scared of so you can be at your best for your loved one in need.
They need you to be strong, confident, fearless. Trust your instincts, trust your inner guidance. Trust your Higher Power, and most importantly, trust yourself.
Jennifer Maneely has spent the last eight years investing in leadership programs, self-awareness, and relationship with families through communication. Drawing on her experience as a leadership consultant, she uses an executive coaching approach to working with parents. She has dedicated her life and her business to not only addicts in need but also understanding and supporting the needs of the family members. Being a recovering addict herself, she is trained in what it takes for an addict to get their life back and has spent years teaching family members how to respond to the addicts to prevent the families from unintentionally supporting the addict in their self-sabotage and destructive patterns of behaviors. Want to stop supporting your loved one in their addiction? Set up a free strategy call