Updated: May 18, 2019
Trusting ourselves can be one of the hardest things we do. Recently, I went through a deep and dark hole of insecurities and self-doubt and being on the other side of it taught me what it truly means to trust yourself.
I consider myself a self-reflective and self-aware person. I have spent years working on being a deeply strong, confident, and courageous person which also means I have to honor and be aware of my defects and flaws. During this period of darkness, my self-awareness only provided me the knowledge of my flaws. Which only made me go deeper into the hopeless darkness.
I was fortunate or unfortunate enough to be acutely aware of what was happening. I could acknowledge I was in a mind trap and had no way to get myself out of it.
Luckily, after a long time of this (it was a few months and that is a long time to be hopeless especially since I don’t use anything anymore to cover up my feelings), someone presented themselves with the ability to help pull me out of my mind trap. Here is where the trust started coming in. I was very nervous with how raw and deep my mind had gone, and I was scared that this person was going to come in and uproot even more of my hopeless despair.
There was this moment where I had to decide whether or not I was going to let her help me. Trusting another person is a hard thing to come by. I would not say I completely and fully trusted this person not because I thought she was a bad person, but because I thought she would unintentionally make things worse by trying to make things better.
What I did have to go on was blind faith, and even as desperate, hopeless, and full of self-doubt, I had to have a little faith in myself to know that no matter what was getting ready to happen, I was going to be ok. I knew if I didn’t allow someone else to help me, and I held back, I was not going to be doing myself any favors. I dropped all of my walls in that moment and allowed this person to actually help me.
The therapy she used, which I have no previous knowledge or experience in, helped me snap my mind back to reality. And looking back on that, yes, she gets a lot of the credit for helping me, but most importantly, I get a lot of the credit for helping myself. Her helping me would have done nothing if I didn’t allow it to.
Allowing her to help me meant I had to trust myself more than anything. I started thinking about all my patterns where I hinder myself because I didn’t believe enough in myself to be able to handle the outcomes of the situation. I am an analytical person, so I go through all possible scenarios of situations and always land on the worst case scenario. I limit myself not doing things because I don’t have enough trust in myself to handle those worst case scenarios.
I have gotten into a place with trust where I trust people to hurt me, I trust people to lie to me, I trust that people will not value me as much as I value myself. I trust that people will disagree with me, will not see my brilliance, will put me down, shame me, and so on. But this is what I learned about trusting myself, I haven’t been trusting myself to not believe those things about myself. I ended up allowing her to help me because for just a brief second, I trusted myself enough to know I was going to be ok. I am learning to trust myself enough not to believe the nonsense that I create in my head. I am learning to trust myself to not take it as a personal attack when someone lies to me. I am learning to trust myself enough to handle when people hurt me, steal from me, lie to me, shame me, etc.
Which got me thinking about my clients, the family members of loved ones going through addiction. The worst case scenario for them is losing their loved one. That is the reality of addiction. TALK ABOUT A MIND TRAP. And most importantly, how important it is for my clients to trust themselves to handle whatever happens.
It also makes me understand the level people have to get to in order to become willing to receive help, and this applies to not just the addict, but to the family members as well. It seems like a lot of deep desperation comes before we become willing to accept people helping us. The desperation comes from a place where we have done everything we know how to do so maybe it’s time to try something different.
My question to you is this: How deep are you going to go before you’re ready to try something different?
To the family members of addicts, is it time to try something different? Set up a free strategy call and find out how
Jennifer Maneely has spent the last eight years investing in leadership programs, self-awareness, and relationship with families through communication. Drawing on her experience as a leadership consultant, she uses an executive coaching approach to working with parents. She has dedicated her life and her business to not only addicts in need but also understanding and supporting the needs of the family members. Being a recovering addict herself, she is trained in what it takes for an addict to get their life back and has spent years teaching family members how to respond to the addicts to prevent the families from unintentionally supporting the addict in their self-sabotage and destructive patterns of behaviors. Want to stop supporting your loved one in their addiction? Set up a free strategy call