Many times when families have loved ones in addiction, their lives come to a halt until they get better. All of our attention and resources can be seen being funneled into their direction. Addiction can cause family members to start isolating away from their friends and other family members due to fear of judgment. (I did a video about dealing with judgement)
Here is the thing, it seems counter intuitive to think that we just have to keep living our lives, and let them live theirs. I know I know, there are people out there that just said "Bullshit Jen, I couldn't do that, they will get worse or they will die."
Here is the sad truth, that's going to happen whether you give your life up or not. The other truth is, the person with the addiction, they often do better when the families just keep living their lives and don't put it on halt for them. It teaches them that helplessness is not a viable option and they have to do something different.
The best thing someone can do for a person in addiction is not let them take over your life.
-Go out with friends and enjoy yourself, even when you feel guilty, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about
-If you want to travel, go travel
And whatever happens, and here is where your own personal journey and work come into play, you are not responsible for their life. You can not blame yourself for anything they are doing, will do, or whatever happens to them.
I don't say this next sentence lightly, but the truth is, if we have to grieve people we lose to addiction, we need to grieve them, but we cannot take responsibility for their deaths. What sucks people into the lives of addicts/alcoholics is the idea they can "save" them or somehow control the outcome. We can't.
Go live your own life, and take care of yourself. You are going to need all the grounded, happy and empowered moments you can get right now.
I post daily about things that will help you navigate this crazy world of substance abuse! If you want to be notified when I post, click here and Subscribe to my blog!