Why Can't My Love One Just Get Their S*** Together

Updated: May 18, 2019

Ugghhhh I know, it is so freaking frustrating watching people destroy themselves when it seems so simple to the people that are not in an insane mindset.

It can be really hard to understand the mentality of a using addict. It just doesn't make sense what they are doing. You assume they have a choice, and to a certain extent, they do have a choice. And they choose to put drugs/alcohol ahead of their families, jobs, everything. In the midst of their using/drinking, the choice to stop seems almost impossible.

I know towards the end of my using, I prayed for death, not help to stop. I got to the point that I had accepted I wasn't going to be able to stop. Believe me, I tried but it's harder in the grips of addiction to make that decision to put it all down.

Luckily, I did get the option to go to rehab (for the second time). Rehab gave me my choice back. I needed to get back into control of my brain to make using my decision again. I chose to work my ass off to not use and continue to work my ass off to maintain that decision.

For people who can't possibly know what it is like to have your brain be controlled by drugs, imagine a time in your life where you got so angry, it seemed like you lost control of yourself. You were able to regain control very quickly and didn't do anything too stupid hopefully, but what if you stayed in that state. How many crazy, stupid decisions would you have made if you were at that level of anger for an extended period of time?

For an addict, it's not anger that drives them to do stupid, crazy, irresponsible and dangerous things. It's the need to cover up whatever is going on inside of them. To this day, after all these years, I still have a hard time facing myself and my emotions sometimes. I have a support network that helps me through the times where I think I can't get through those emotions myself.

Here's part of the problem. Addiction is insanity, and logical people can't make sense of insanity. You are logical, your loved one is insane at the moment, but it doesn't mean they will always be insane. They can return to sanity, but they have to stop using drugs. And right now, the drugs are more important that anything else. I'm sorry. Truly, I am. I hope they hit bottom sooner rather than later and become desperate enough to get the help they so desperately need.

Jennifer Maneely has spent the last eight years investing in leadership programs, self-awareness, and relationship with families through communication. Drawing on her experience as a leadership consultant, she uses an executive coaching approach to working with parents. She has dedicated her life and her business to not only addicts in need but also understanding and supporting the needs of the family members. Being a recovering addict herself, she is trained in what it takes for an addict to get their life back and has spent years teaching family members how to respond to the addicts to prevent the families from unintentionally supporting the addict in their self-sabotage and destructive patterns of behaviors. Want to stop supporting your loved one in their addiction? Set up a free strategy call

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