Does Your Life Seem to be On Pause?

Many times when families have loved ones in addiction, their lives halt until their loved ones get better. Our attention and resources can be funneled in their direction. Addiction can cause family members to start isolating away from their friends and other family members due to fear of judgment. (I did a video about dealing with judgment)

Here is the thing, it seems counterintuitive to think that we have to keep living our lives and let them live theirs. I know some people just said, "Bullshit Jen, I couldn't do that, they will get worse, or they will die." 

Here is the sad truth, that's going to happen whether you give your life up or not. The other reality is that people with addiction often do better when their families keep living their lives and don't put it on hold for them. It teaches them that helplessness is not a viable option and they have to do something different. 

The best thing someone can do for a person in addiction is not let them take over your life. And for you, it's learning to feel more than one emotion at a time. You can be happy and worried. You can feel joy and sadness. You can feel fear and grounded. 

• Go out with friends and enjoy yourself, even when you feel guilty, there is nothing for you to feel guilty about

• If you want to travel, go travel

• Enjoy life

• Have fun

And whatever happens, and here is where your journey and work come into play, you are not responsible for their life. You can not blame yourself for anything they do, will do, or whatever happens to them. 

I don't say this next sentence lightly, but the truth is, if we have to grieve people we lose to addiction, we need to grieve them, but we cannot take responsibility for their deaths. What sucks people into the lives of addicts/alcoholics is the idea they can "save" them or somehow control the outcome. We can't. 

Go live your own life, and take care of yourself. You will need all the grounded, happy, and empowered moments you can get right now.